Huntsville Barbie - it's a cultural education, really

I've been looking for a way to describe the different areas around Huntsville and North-east Alabama. Fortunately, Mattel is releasing a new line of North Alabama Barbies.....this might give you some idea. I live in Hampton Cove.

SOUTH HUNTSVILLE BARBIE

This princess Barbie is sold only at The Summit . She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

MADISON BARBIE

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and if not a teacher or nurse has no full-time occupation. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.

NORTH HUNTSVILLE BARBIE

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

HAMPTON COVE BARBIE
(doesn't she look just like me?)

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

HAZEL GREEN BARBIE

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety-Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

GURLEY BARBIE

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Hokes Bluff Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

FIVE POINTS BARBIE

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Yellow Springs Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

THE LEDGES BARBIE

("The Ledges" is one of Huntsville's only private, gated communities)

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

I DID NOT CREATE THIS, AND ONLY ADDED 2 OF MY OWN COMMENTS. WHOEVER DID CREATE THIS IS AWESOME, IN MY OPINION (but clearly has WAY too much time on their hands). This is going around town in the form of an email.