Where I began, Emma moments,

Here's part of why I was upset the other night.

When the pediatrician looked at Emma's lump when he prescribed the anti-biotic, he said, "I'm 99% sure she doesn't have luekemia or anything like that, and this lymph node is just swollen from fighting the infection, so don't lose any sleep over it. I mean - she doesn't have bleeding gums does or anything does she?" And I said, "WHAT? I HAVEN"T been losing ANY sleep over it - nothing of that gravity really even crossed my mind, but now that you threw out the CANCER word I might start losing sleep. But no - no bleeding gums (I forgot about the loose tooth - yes my 3 year old has a loose tooth) and ok - if you say it's fine, I really will continue to not lose sleep over it." So - I didn't think much of it, but then she had bleeding gums this week for the first time EVER. I thought the follow up appointment next week wasn't really necessary, but I think I change my mind. I'm really sure it's fine, but what a weird, unfortunate coincidence that the ONE symptom he mentioned she developed.

And because her tooth is loose we have a dentist appointment tomorrow. And per the dentist's instructions we've been on a mission to stop sucking the thumb. It was priceless and tragic. She said in this beautifully, sincere desperation, weeping and looking down at her hands as she held them in front of her, "But MOMMY, I have to suck them SOMETIMES. At least SOMETIMES."

We've limited it to in her bed only. She gets a sticker on the chart for going long times without sucking, or complying readily to our prompts to take the thumb out of her mouth. And really - she didn't suck her thumb constantly. But, it would find it's way to her mouth pretty regularly anytime she was tired, shy, nervous, sick, sad or scared - which given the last 8 weeks, has been much more often than normal.

Poor Emma - it's been a rough couple of months what with the sickness and travel, losing a grandparent, an upcoming move - and now - the thumb.