You know you're not in LA anymore when -

You know you're not in LA anymore when:

1) while shopping for hiking boots at the outdoor shop, the camouflage bikinis catch your eye. And while you are standing there wondering in what setting a "deer hunting beige camo bikini" would be practical, you are suddenly distracted by a recorded voice over announcement: "Are you in the market for a new fire-arm? Visit our weapons and ammo section this week for great deals on everything you've been looking for."

2) You've attended your town's Veteran's Day Parade.

3) In the town's Veteran's Day parade, there was a "Descendants of the Confederacy" pick up truck float. Marching next to the truck were two guys in their Civil War re-enactors' gear. In the bed of the pick up truck was a woman with an authentic black hoop skirt dress, gloves and a black lace mourning veil. She wasn't waving.

4) bright red and orange on the hillsides surrounding your home, with a backdrop of grey sky, mean absolutely stunning fall colors as the leaves turn instead of meaning that the hills surrounding your house are ablaze, and the white-grey smoke is telling you which direction the fire is moving.

5) your 4 year old addresses you as "Ma'am", and doesn't want to go to school without a giant bow in her hair.

6) you call your neighbor to say you'll be late for your playdate at the park (most likely leaving out the fact that this is because you've just jumped out of the shower and need to get yourself dressed, oh well - forget about makeup or hair) and she says, "That's ok. I still need to iron my 4 yr old daughter's shorts, so we're running a little behind too."

7) you tell the Sprint store lady that you've left your cell phone charger on vacation and need to purchase a new one, and she informs you that your phone is so old that they don't sell the accompanying charger (which is ridiculous since your contract isn't even up for the phone yet), but instead of pigeon-holing you into buying an entirely new phone, chargers, headset,etc...she goes to the back, finds an old charger in the spare parts box and gives it to you for free.

8) you are digging in your purse for a spare scrap of paper and a writing implement, someone you are exchanging information with hands you a custom made business-sized card for their family - as in the old custom of leaving a calling card.

9) you run into some neighbors having a bbq in a nearby culdesac, while you are out for an evening stroll, and you notice that every single woman in the group is wearing a coordinated outfit from head to toe including jewelry, and you are wearing an old concert t-shirt, stretched out yoga capris with paint on them and running shoes.

10) a driver in another car raises a hand to you and you realize they are waving, not flipping you off.

11) garlic in your fruit bowl quickly becomes moldy rather than slowing drying to a crisp.

12) the big college football rivalry is Alabama vs Auburn - not USC vs. UCLA - and the fervor of it makes the USC/UCLA rivalry look like child's play. In fact, no one will ask you if you follow college football. The question is: are you 'Bama or Auburn?